30 Things Not To Say To A White Police Officer If you are black. (Naija Version)
- I can't reach my license unless you hold my lanko (Guinness).
- Sorry, I didn't realize that my panapana (radar detector) wasn't on.
- Aren't you the bobo who played the part of a rogue cop in that detective series?
- Well done, my brother, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me.
- I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop. No talk say I abuse you o, but you resemble those Sumo wrestlers.
- Amuni nje amuni. Olopa ewo ni onibon be.(Officer, you've stopped me because of a traffic offence, but it's unfair to say you'll arrest me and lock me up)
- I sure say you wan look inside car boot? Abi no be so? Nothing spoil, go on soun.
- I was going to join "Operation Sweep" in Naija, but I decided to finish Secondary school
- I pay your salary, gba be. (take it for granted).
- That's wonderful! The last cop also gave me a ticket.
- Is that a 9mm? It's nothing compared to this Shakabula (Big gun)
- What do you mean, have I been drinking? Are you a trained specialist? Ma pana igbo loju e. (I'll stub the ashes of this marijuana in your face)
- Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
- What do you mean spread my legs? I sure say you no get hidden agenda.
- You wan make I do breathaliser test. I go jus burst your equipment. Mo ti yo bi efon. (I am as drunk as a mosquito)
- Is it true people become cops because they are too dumb to do a menial job. Egbe! You should try early "mo mo".
- Walai! I was trying to keep up with traffic.
- Yes, I know there are no other cars around - that's how far they are ahead of me. Ejo mi ko. (it's not my fault)
- Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of gbana (crack), my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
- Do you take cash or shekere? (Cheque)
- Ojugo, Are those recommended glasses you're wearing?
- Gaddem! What do you mean identify myself? Wo! Ojo (Look PC), tell you what, that's me in the side mirror. Eni mo o ko. Eni ko o mo. (People who know me do not confront me. And people who confront me do not know me).
- In Naija, the RED light means "maalo moto" (Go!)
- You are racist.
- Did you stop me because I am a black man driving a Lexus?. Egbue Egbue quafu kiasi.
- Maa bi si e lara (vomit all over you), hic...if you continue...hic... to...harrass me.
- What do you mean I should spend the night in your cell coz according to you I am in no fit state to drive. Ejo kin se won (You can't imprison a snake).
- Why are you asking me my name? Anyway, it's Mr Igida Eyefo. Make sure you get the correct spelling.
- Even after I pleaded with you and attempted to bribe you, you still gave me a ticket. By the way, officer, do you believe in Voodoo?
- When are you off duty?
Submitted by Tunde Adeleye
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