My fellow Naijas,
You know say na yankee we dey, but some Naijas, no matter how long wey dem doon dey for this Obodo America, Dem lifestyles no dey change lailai!....check am out weda na lie I dey talk!
You know say ya Naija friend no go change if....
1. You go dem house and dem get small pikin....if di pikin no wan use liquid medicine because E taste bad, dem go come carry pikin for lap, open im mouth like drainage pipe and put dem hand for the pikin mouth like funnel take put the medicine for im mouth! I lie?
2. You see two women dey argue,and you know sey fight don nearly ready to start when dem remove dem scarf from head , tie am for waist, put hand for waist, come begin take the flat part of dem foot dey nak ground!
3. Dem born am two days before you but, in the heat of argument, im claim say im no be ya agemate!
4. Im na man wey get big belle, and when you tell am to lose weight im tell you say make you commot for im face, sey big belle na eveidence of good living!..
(man mi, when you look down and can't find your toes without leaning over like the Tower of Pisa, YOU NEED TO SHED A FEW LBS!)
5. Dinner time come, and dem tell dem pikin say dem no fit pack more than one piece of meat for plate, and dem must finish dem gira before dem chop the meat!
(sir, science has proven that protein in meat and milk helps kids grow!)
6. Him starve himself through six 7-11 paychecks just so im go fit go 'spray' for party!..
(na by force sey you must 'shine'? Pikin dey for house get kwashiokor and you dey spray? chei!)
7. If you go dem house and dem make you tea for inside BIG MUG wey get 'heineken' logo for side! And when dem dey prepare the tea nko? You go see ya friend wife dey hold spoon inside the mug like hoe becos she wan make sure sey all the particles of the cubed sugar don dissolve finish!
(ummm, Safeway has granulated sugar, y'know?!)
8. When dem prepare amala for you, after wey dem don stir the amala for stove top, dem go come carry apoti siddon for floor, put two wet clothes on each side of the pot, draw the pot between dem legs , begin stir the amala again , this time at about 7000 rpms!
9. If dem dey for table dey chop eba, and the eba happen to dey a bit too hot, wey dem come take one morsel, troway am for up, so that when the thing go come down again , the temperature go don drop. Dem go then snatch am mid-air, dip inside stew begin dey chop!
(ol boy, na by force? Una fit carry am put for inside fridge for one minute now?)
10. Carry pikin for back, tied with wrapper, waka cross street!
11. Dem get dog for house, and the dog dey chop left-over amala for under table instead of Purina Chow!
12. Dem complain sey dem no go fit marry Akata becos Akata no go gree dem give dem pikin tribal marks!
(kai! alhaji! Times wey una need to carry una 'ID Card' for cheeks don pass O! Nowadays, wallet size go fit do! ki lode?)
13. You see dem for summer time wey dem go wear cotton Agbada with no
singlet ontop jeans with the kin sneakers wey dem dey take NUGGET clean, commot for outside go drive cab!..
(and if you enter their kabi, na dem go first tell you say dem don dey this country 18 years!)
14. Carry eba and spinach stew mixed with egusi and fish head put inside plastic carry give pikin take go school sey na lunch be dat!
15......and finally,..some Naijas no go change if you see dem dey drive for road dey follow ambulance for back and drive through red light!...
(man mi, you think sey na Isale Eko be dis?Police no sabi ya papa for here O!)
Submitted by Manny Osifo
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