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Author Name: Debbie Ogunjobi
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The Thrill of the Chase
Author: Debbie Ogunjobi | November 17, 2007

The mating game is always full of intrigue; it can be difficult to tell who is truly genuine and who is just chasing for the thrill of it. I have seen cases of women who have been heart broken and left confused when the affections that they have been promised suddenly disappears as soon as they acquiesce to a suitors demands! A majority of women see intimacy as some sort of commitment and it can be a shock to the system when a suitor scampers off immediately it is given; I would dare to call that a violation of sorts. A text received by a younger friend of mine had me in stitches as it just triggered off memories of over eager Lotharios who employ flowery words and gestures to get a woman; it was however beautifully written and infused with enough humour to elicit laughter! I gathered that this particular “mating dance” had been on for a few years, with the girl still never sure of the true intentions of her suitor; he would increase and decrease intensity of his advances at will and she could never actually catch him with direct questions as he had perfected the art of “wiggling” with poetry and superficial prose. So he had successfully stayed in her life for years while not actually playing any active part. I asked her if she thought he was a good friend and she said most definitely yes!! My next question was more probing; do you see yourself with him? She was not sure, she thought he was attractive, kind and they had a lot of shared interests but was not quite sure she could count on him for the long term relationship she wanted. My counsel was to continue to see him as a friend till he could convince her he was not just enjoying the spirited chase of a prey he did not actually want to catch. I often wonder what it would be like to go back to my late teens with the wisdom I have acquired with age. Looking back now, it is almost funny to look back at issues that were so life and death way back then with eyes that have seen plenty and just shrug them off! Youth is always plagued by drama, when I was younger, everything was urgent; it had to be an emergency and no one ever truly understood what I was going through. I remember being exasperated when older ones would say; they had been in my shoes once and to take it easy. Hormones are probably responsible for the drama plagued lives of teenagers but I cannot deny the intensity of their pain and I certainly speak from experience. The scenario with my young friend took me down memory lane as I remember the days when I lived for the exchange of letters from my first love or should I say first crush. We exchanged letters daily and were convinced we were going to live happily ever after; we never actually spent anytime together, neither were we allowed to date so all the amateurish prose we exchanged had basis in fiction rather than reality! Our parents were friends and we were always teased about our suitability but I don’t even remember us holding hands talk less of build some rapport. He had fitted all of my Mills & Boon fantasies and I guess that must have fuelled the whole thing. Going to different universities put paid to our “happily ever after” and decades later we both laugh at our naïvetĂ© and even foolishness!! My young friend was reliving a situation that should have been exorcised in her teens; a grown woman has no business toying with a man she is unsure of neither should she let herself be toyed with by the dangling of possibilities. After the age of twenty five, one should be discerning enough to determine who is what and make decisions based on sincere convictions; no formulae guarantees success but there will certainly be less time wasting!! According to a book I read sometime back, men are hunters; it is their nature to go after a prey with all the strength at their disposal but they don’t necessarily eat all that they catch. At times the hunt is as much for the thrill of it as for necessity. I have watched countless documentaries where predators like lions have run after antelopes only to toy with the catch after the kill; the rest of it is left for hyenas. The same scenario can be found in humans; a man goes after a woman and eventually wins her round only to dump her unceremoniously when he has had his fill and sin some cases not at all. Some women end up in a hyena situation by settling for whoever is available in place of the lions that have violated them. I cannot obviously lump all men into a predator group as some girls or even women are turning the rules upside down by being just as aggressive in their hunting but they are the exceptions to the rule. A male friend assures me that he would never value a woman who was easy; the courtship must be intensive otherwise I would put no value to her at all. According to him, there are some girls that are chased for chasing sake; it is almost a disappointment when they say yes!! I wanted to know how the girls in question were supposed to decipher that the chase was all that was on offer and he admitted he didn’t know. But I was enlightened to learn that men liked some women to remain fantasy and not reality. In his own words “it’s like collecting the perfect car; the value is highly diminished when it is parked in the garage”!! I hadn’t quite seen it like that but I could relate as there were some things that I had wanted and finally acquired only for me to lose interest in them and go after what I conceived to be more out of reach and as such more valuable. The mating game for both sexes is also very dependant on the rest of the packs!! We all seem to care a great deal about what other people think of our partners and I can at least speak from experience that external factors can break an other wise good relationship. At times we reduce potential partners to trophies when their worth is determined d by how attractive they are to our friends and family. Some men have been accused of going after women just as another trophy to boost their egos to their friends. Growing up with brothers has given me a preview of how men think!! Women may be persecuted for gossiping but a few beers can bring out the gossips in most men and they have been known to tell a few white lies to impress “the boys”. Their conversations have left an indelible impression in my psyche and I have longed promised myself that I would never put myself in the position of those they detested the most; girls that dated more than one guy in the same circle of friends always came out the worst in most of their gist’s. The fairer sex fair no better as we also hunt or should I say are hunted in packs; sensible suitors always court a girl alongside her friends to make allies that are useful. Most men fully expect that their letters or should I say their texts to be read by more than the recipient and vice versa. Friends have been the excuse for the failure of a good number of marriages and countless relationships; everyone always has an opinion and while they may not necessarily carry much weight on their own they can prove a trigger that sets everything else on fire. I often wonder what life would be like if we were all made in pairs and stuck to our partners for life! on one hand it would make like much simpler but a good friend of mine says the suicide rate would double as all the fun would go out of life; we would all be reduced to mindless robots who just functioned rather than performed. It is a good argument, one that God obviously agrees with but there must be a way of knowing for sure who is right or wrong!! It would be very hypocritical to suggest I have never been courted or thoroughly enjoyed being courted but the bottom line still remains that no one is ever entirely sure of their choices!! I took a second look at the text that was forwarded to my phone by my young friend and started laughing again; the mating dance may be tedious and at times painful but no one

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manero    Abuja, Nigeria    November 18, 2007
The header caption of this write up prompted my reading throguh it and the only thought or question that came to mind was "whats your present status"? re you happily married now or you are still wishing and hoping to relive the feeling of being chased?? I really need to know this ma'am cos bad as e bad, we are not as dented or demented as you try to paint. I love the chase but I do it for the right and genuine reasons. I believe that any woman worth her slats and onions needs to stand her grounds until she is quite sure of the situation not just fall heads first cos the dude is a hunk or he drives a truck.

Anyways enough said. If you can, reply to this post and tell us your marital status, are you happy with "oga"? Tell you the ups and the downs and all the tin winny details that goes with it. I appreciate your concerns ma'am but don't make it look one sided.

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